Friday, March 13, 2015

Are Black Women's Standards Too High?

UPDATE: I was going to write something really hateful about certain people right here but I deleted it seeing how vengeful people over there can be. I don't know the commentators there anymore and I think they are very disrespectful, spiteful, self-righteous, closed-minded, and hypocritical. That is not a safe space for Black women to speak, it is a place for sheep to follow in line and call names if you don't agree with them. I don't associate with people like that in real life. It's actually making me feel sick to my stomach because I'm actually disgusted with how the people commented. I think, after all this I've lost all compassion for anyone over there I don't know who those people are. There is no bone in my body who looks up to anyone over there anymore and trusts any advice they give. They are so not for me anymore safe place for Black women my ass! I really don't like people who can't think for themselves and just jump on the bandwagon, they are freaking scary. I can't support the site anymore if I don't feel safe there and I have lost all respect for the people who comment there. I feel disgusted.

This post is about a situation that has happened on the Beyond Black and White website. Apparently the site arranged for a YouTube Blogger to go on dates with 5 Black women and it was suggested that he film those dates. Well he posts videos about dating Black women (he is White) and compared to all of the hateful BW bashing videos on YouTube I was soooo glad to find them. I think that the videos are well done and I plan to watch the ones I have not seen yet.

Well apparently, the guy said he wanted to find a relationship but then changed his mind. In one of his videos he said he is also changing the direction of his channel so I guess there won't be any more interracial stuff or saying great things about BW :( Anyways, on BB&W they were seriously bashing this guy and calling him a fraud in this POST! I can understand that the women who went on dates with him could be upset but there was no reason for so much anger and name calling! It makes us look really bad and I hope that this is not the reason why he has changed the direction of the YouTube channel. This really bothers me for some reason. His channel was a good thing for BW and now people are unsubscribing because of the dating fiasco and they are writing mean comments. I think they should be thanking him for devoting all the time and effort and probably money to boost up BW. People had the nerve to complain that he went on some dates with light skinned BW because their features were not Black enough. People were actually telling him it was wrong for him to be attracted to those women and you only really like BW if you like dark skinned BW and reject light skinned BW. Your complains will not make him like you more they will probably make him like you less :(

It reminds me of how irritated I was when people were bashing Sleepy Hollow because they wanted Abbey and Ichabod to fall in love right away and they were upset that his wife came back into the picture. In both situations I feel the BW had unrealistic expectations for the relationships, they were expecting things to happen right away, and merely showcasing positive images of BW (and making them stars) was not good enough. They have no patience! SPOILER ALERT: If these women had patience and didn't start telling other BW not to watch they would have seen that Ichabod ends up killing his wife this season so she is gone! But nooo, because BW have not been treated well most of the time they expect mistreatment and they walk out feeling hurt before anything bad has even happened. Women who have never even seen anything on his channel are being told not to watch any of his videos and they are slandering him to his readers! So what if he changed his mind about the relationship? I have wanted a relationship for so long but I put off seeking one because I was moving, I was busy with school, I was busy with work, or even because it was too cold in the winter. So what? It just wasn't the right time. But to them that means he's s sociopath and a fraud. Whatever. This may be part of the reason why some people don't want to deal with you, it's easier to just focus on something or someone else who doesn't turn against them so easily.

It just seems a lot of the time that BW cannot be pleased even when they are given A GIFT for free, a gift that they have been asking for over and over! It also reminds me of some of the comments I have gotten on this blog. This blog was about my personal exploration but I made it public as A GIFT to other BW who had similar goals. It took so much time to do photo posts like THIS ONE. I had to search Google Images or Tumbler for images of BW looking a certain way and I spent (I am tempted to say wasted) many hours finding the images that demonstrated what I wanted. People have the nerve to come on here and complain that some of the women are light skinned or biracial!? If you want images of dark skinned women you are free and welcome to find them yourself and post them all over your blog or Tumbler. You will probably find it difficult because you will have to choose from what is available and time is a finite resource you may not be able to spend. You will have to wade through images of BW scowling, looking hard, mean, and masculine, and once you get past that (if you care) you fill have to find someone ATTRACTIVE in a good quality photo. Furthermore, just because you have issues with light skinned women doesn't mean I do and according to some people I am actually light skinned. I tried to show variety but I will only spend so much time looking for images and I have no problem displaying light skinned or biracial women. I am not on a mission to promote dark skin, I (was) only on a mission to promote straight BW period. I am tired of these purity standards that will only accept dark women showcased. I showed variety but you choose to ignore that and have a fit if you see light skin. If you can do better please do it yourself and stop asking people for a handout. I can understand that it won't be easy to make your own TV show but if you have time to complain to me then you have time to look for images of dark skinned BW.

I think the reason why this sort of thing irks me is because sometimes it seems like BW will not be pleased and they complain even when they get a good thing. I dare say there is some entitlement going on where you feel the TV producers, the YouTube guy, and even I owe you something and that we are "wrong" for not doing what you want. I'm tired of it. Enough with the victim mentality.

Here is my post from the BB&W site, I think I'm probably the only person in dissent about the issue:

I don't know why I am the voice of dissent on so many things that have to do with Black folks but it is what it is. Something about this reaction just sounds so extreme to me. Everyone has the right to their opinions but all the name calling and labeling seems excessive given that this account is totally one sided. I'm not taking anyone's side I'm just being empathetic and putting myself in the shoes of each party involved. These are my opinions.
1) None of us know this man's true intentions but if I was a dude and I found out a bunch of women were attracted to me I would not want to settle down if I didn't have to. Many men play the field way longer than women would like, that's just the way it is and in that regard this man is not abnormal, a sociopath, or a DBR and neither is every attractive male who doesn't want a monogamous relationship. It helps you to get through the day by thinking he's an awful guy then go ahead and do what is best for you. Just remember how much it hurts when you hear about BW being labelled and scrutinized for their choices and the names we are called when we don't give men what they want.
2) BW complain that they are not the focus of dating shows and that they are not being shown as romantic interests. This guy is doing just that and because of that he is now a sociopath? He's trying to be an entertainer, did you really expect him to fall for a woman right away and stop doing his work? Think about how many people are set up on dating shows who want a many of those actually work out? BW are getting the attention they asked for but many of you have fairytale dreams and have unrealistic ideas about how relationships will develop (I'm no expert either) but I don't know why anyone would think a blind date would end up as a relationship. You want the attention but when things aren't perfect you don't want it. There was a post on this very site about Missy Harris wanting to be on The Bachelorette and people supported it and were disappointed when that didn't happen. Now some dude decided to give you what you want and you're pissed because he didn't want a commitment and wanted to date around more. Watch what you ask for because dudes might think twice about dating BW or encouraging it due to all of this vitriol. Please, EVERYONE, think about what the goal of this whole experiment what and Chris can tell us what he actual goal was. Was the goal to showcase interracial dates so the more dates the better or was the goal to actually fix us this man with a BW. If the goal was to showcase interracial dating then the goal was accomplished and this man should be thanked for doing it because I can't think or anyone else who is. If the goal was the second, ish happens, everyone you fix up is not going to fall in love, people change their minds, and things don't always work out.
3) Maybe he just wasn't into her. We all know great women who are single but just because we would date the girl does not mean that a specific guy would. He may very well want a relationship but he did not think he found the right girl. It happens, even to beautiful nice girls. Yo don't have to take it personally. Just because he is looking for a relationship doesn't mean he wants one with the girl you picked because he knows there is no shortage of great girls.
4) Think to yourself, is all this anger helpful to you or is it making things worse? Do you feel more open to interracial dating and more confident about your attractiveness or less? One guy did not want a relationship with one woman, no need to get so upset about that. It makes us look sort of bad. I could understand why the actual woman would feel upset, but I don't get why so many people in the comments section are. Maybe dude was a player and just wanted to get happens every day.
That's my opinion, everyone has one. Entertainment and exploitation goes hand in hand a lot of the time, for every beautiful woman there is a man who didn't want her, and just because he wasn't into her and wanted to get some does not make him the devil. If I was on the date I would be hurt and cry as I usually do though so I can understand her hurt. Fire away...
 I also want to ask the women here who think he looked suspicious from the get many White dudes have you dated or spoken to on a regular basis? The guy seemed fine to me, like someone I would get along with. Are you just suspicious of this guy or do you feel that way about most White dudes anyway? It might just be me but he didn't seen too weird to me, but I like guys who are humble anyway. I feel I guess disappointed that a good thing like this could be derailed because he didn't fall in love with one woman. How MANY times have we complained on our blogs about about the BM doing negative videos about us and this one guy has done so many videos saying great things about us and showing us as romantic interests. It's so refreshing and wonderful to me. Do you really want to destroy this? Does he not deserve any praise for not going around bashing us the way BM do? In fact, I found his videos a year ago after wading through all the hate videos. Please keep the greater goal in focus. This is what you want.